I’m writing a strange little story about a beta male.  It’s leaning into my submissiveness and then a bit further into my humiliation fetish/kink.  I never know what to call them, fetishes or kinks, and I’ve never bothered too much to look up to see what is the exact difference between the two.  Maybe there isn’t one.

The main character of the story is loosely based on me.  A few attributes and some self insertion, but not necessarily exactly the same person.  He’s been without sex for a period of time and is starting to get desperate for something, anything to get him off.  Most of all he craves that closeness he hasn’t had with a woman since his divorce, so he degrades himself when an opportunity arises to be in the orbit of a woman’s presence even if it isn’t necessarily something he would regularly do.  He becomes overwhelmed with sexual perversion and need to the point of ejaculating alone while imagining his inferiority and craving more of it.

I have a second part of it thought up but haven’t worked out the exact manner in which to execute it.  It got me thinking about trying to write an entire novel length sexual journey loosely based on my endeavors.  With some creative writing I think I can actually make it somewhat interesting, but it would just be another idea on a pile of ideas I haven’t started, which at best would lead to a piece I’ve started but haven’t finished.

I’ve got so many interests and I want to satisfy them all but have so little time that it makes me frustrated and crash out, then I end up getting nothing done.  Just now I was looking at the three other ideas I have on the immediate go in my erotic writing folder, not to mention the innumerable others that are scattered across the internet in various files and email accounts.  But I’m sure you didn’t make it this far to read about my inability to commit to something for the umpteenth time.  I’m sure you’re not even reading this at all.

I keep leaning back into the beta male pathetic loser type storylines because it’s most likely me.  I seem to get the most erotic gratification out of that mindset, which is probably because I consider them the most realistic.  

I could see myself on my knees licking a woman’s feet.  It’s not too much of a stretch to imagine myself cleaning the cum from a woman’s freshly fucked, messy pussy.  I’ve, to most extents, already have been cuckolded even if it wasn’t a traditional erotic cuckolding, which in a way is even more humiliating having not even been able to enjoy the cuckold part of being a cuckold.  Maybe it was truer to the essence?

All of these I would derive pleasure from.  My slightly below average sized penis would be stiff as a board, full of blood and pressing straight out wanting to be caressed while I carried through with whatever act I was in the middle of.  My head would be heavy, my chest heaving and my head light.  

It could all be real.

It could all happen to me with minimal maneuvering.  

My brain is pragmatic and attaches more weight to an idea if it’s possible.  From that baseline I go outward into my sexual interests.  It’s not that these less likely scenarios conduct any less pleasure or arousal, they just don’t have first access to my mind taking them and running with them, but the more fantasy scenarios often are the more fun to write because they;re so much more open ended and have so many more possibilities.

So now as I write these different stories, scenarios, vignettes, I wonder what would be the best place to show them off.  This beta male story in particular is a perfect example.  

Yes, I would like to post all of my stuff on Amazon/KDP/whatever you want to call it but I just don’t think some of it is right for there.  I think if I have a bunch of short stories then maybe I could put them all up and then bundle them, but I need more shorts to do that.  So I was thinking this story was more likely to be a 5-10 thousand word short novella with an open ending that I could just use as bait for my blog/site.  

But then I thought, my site gets such a small amount of views it would just go unread and ignored.  This isn’t really an issue because the site/blog is more so a writing exercise where I can dump my thoughts and pieces of erotica as extras.  The issue is that I kind of actually like the story to the point where I want it to be read.  I put a little bit of effort into it instead of just ripping through it as quickly as possible and I’d actually like people to read it.  

So, it makes it kind of easy to say that Literotica is the way to go as I have people reading my stuff over there already and has a potential to funnel views from there to here with a link to my site for anyone who wants more of the same.  

But then I wonder, how will my site get anything if I’m posting all of my stuff on other sites and trying to get them back here but here I have nothing written that will want them to stay.  Overall, I think it’s better to write the smut and post it there while also putting some random one offs and scenes I think of here so I can build my overall finished catalog and maybe have people interested in what I’m writing while also maintaining a, hopefully, eventually treasure trove of random one off pieces that will cause people to stay, unlike this piece that I’m writing now which is just a brain dump.

So I guess I talked myself into what I really should do, which is how I usually do things.  But, this brings up another potential issue which I wanted to avoid altogether being that if people read my pieces on Literotica will they expect a certain genre to be stuck to?  

I see the same thing on the erotica subreddits about people creating different pen names, which I hate that idea.  A good portion of my distaste for it is related to my ego and wanting to get credit for all of my ideas.  It’s the reason I’ve never been able to get my alter ego’s life off the ground (more on that in the future….maybe).  I also just don’t like the idea of balancing a bunch of different pen names and different stories and genres for each.  I want to be a writer who can write anything and everything.  It’s the main headline for my erotica author persona; someone who is into and can write anything, or at least a wide variety of things.  

So, while I’d like people who like gay first-time erotica to be able to go to my page and find all of the gay first-time erotica that they want, I’m going to have a lot of other erotica available too.  Some of it tame and vanilla.  Some of it completely bizarre.  Some of it taboo to not-for-everyone/most people.  

I always struggle with the freedom of doing this and staying in that freedom.  I don’t want to be restricted because something might be taken the wrong way.  I’ve done that way too much in the past.  Sometimes what I write isn’t what other people want to see, but that just means it isn’t for them.  I’ll just have to tag it properly so they don’t stumble upon it.