I haven't posted a blog post in a while and I figured today would be a good day to do one. I was thinking of what I could write about and had a loose idea for a short story but was running out of time to really let it develop so I decided to just ramble on about my day instead.

It was a usual day, busy morning setting up everything so I could have a smooth afternoon but distractions kept popping up that caused delay. Eventually I got to the point where I should be sitting down to write and indulge myself in some kink and fetish and most likely masturbation, but I wasn't really close to it. So, instead, I decided to take a shower.

I'm not sure about most people but whenever I'm at home during the day when most people are out at work I get a weird feeling about wanting to be naked. I think its the taboo nature of walking around your house naked because most people don't do that. If anything I'm a slave to the feeling of doing something naughty, even if its as trivial as walking around my house with no clothes on.
So whenever I'm at home during the day I have a bit of a routine that I do. I gather my clothes and my items for after the shower; body wash, a comb, deodorant. I grab a towel and a face cloth and I put them all in the bathroom. Then I go to the washing machine and take off my shirt, my shorts, my socks and my underwear and I throw them in.

The walk around the house while completely, utterly naked always feels weird. The way my penis sways naturally, typically tucked up tight instead of hanging loose as if it were a much longer appendage, feels adjacent to awkward but not quite. I can feel it, but only because it's not tucked up against me. My butt is bare as well, my cheeks feel as if they're not quite as secure as well where typically I wouldn't notice them at all. I'm more aware of my stomach as its not covered by a shirt.

Whenever I do this I walk around the house before getting right into the shower. I usually walk to the kitchen and the living room and look out of the windows and wonder if anyone is looking in. Can they see me? I doubt it because I can't really see anything specific in their windows.

There was a little something different today though. Different but not completely foreign. I've had a fascination for a long while with peeing myself. For the most part it was just another taboo interest because you're not supposed to, but for some reason I took it a bit further and it's become a full blown kink of mine. There was a time, a while ago, where I even discussed meeting up with another man and having him piss on me in his shower. I thought I had written about him in the past but I can't seem to find the post, but the short version is that we talked about it and even arranged a date and a time but when it came down to it he didn't answer me on my last message of "are we good to go?"
I decided not to partake, which was good because his MIL had stopped in randomly so he was definitely not able to receive a pee partner. Now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I've used this example in one of my stories I'm writing as a cautionary tale.

Lately I've had an increased interest in girls wearing diapers and losing control of their bladder (and possibly more). The thought of the loss of control is really appealing to me for some reason and its manifested itself, heavily, in urination and bodily functions. Don't ask me why.
So I wrote a story recently about Cassidy and her inability to stop peeing her pants so she has to end up wearing diapers. I've imagined myself as Cassidy or a third party observer of her situation. Something about it arouses me to no end, again don't ask me why.
But all of this, plus more I haven't mentioned yet but is very relevant, has pushed me to wanting to feel it happen. I've done this before, but not for a while. It's been months. But before I get into the shower I usually use the bathroom and empty by bladder. Something took hold of me today and told me no. It told me that I was going to be bad. I was going to be naughty and do something I'm not supposed to, but I was going to combine something else I like to do and haven't done in even longer. I grabbed a pair of panties.

I haven't cross dressed in some time, more than a few months. I haven't worn panties in that same amount of time, but today I wanted to. I typically link the urge to pee in my clothes with the desire to wear panties and I think of it as pissing my panties. I think of it as a feminine thing, so I also think that when I write about Cassidy, my character who has lost control of her bladder, I think of part of her as part of me.
When I slipped the panties on it felt so good, much better than I had anticipated it feeling. They were smooth and silky and hugged me tight but not too tight. I almost didn't want to go through with it and instead spend the day wearing them around the house with my penis tucked back underneath me between my legs. But the urge was too strong, although I did tuck my little penis back, pointed it behind me and stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain.

The last time I did this, peed in in the shower, I did it with the water running. The problem with that was that it was kind of hard to tell when I actually was peeing. If you haven't peed in your pants as an adult you don't really realize the difficulty of it and the nuance of being able to do it. If you want a real interesting experience you should try to pee pants on purpose. It's not as easy as just trying, trust me.
So, in the same manner, you can feel yourself peeing in the shower but when you're wearing clothes it's much more difficult to tell that you're peeing as well as when you've stopped peeing when the water is running. I wanted to experience the feeling of the urine exiting my penis and soaking my panties, then dribbling or streaming onto the shower floor.
It turns out that not having done it in a while your body forgets how to override the controls. As mentioned, you can't just make yourself pee your pants. Your body has built up a wall over the years that protects you from accidentally peeing your pants. This has been a life long control that has been reinforced ever since you were potty-trained. And, like riding a bike, you remember how to do it once you learned so trying to pee your pants after a few months of not trying to is like trying to forget how to ride a bike. Not easy. Also probably a terrible analogy.

With my penis tucked back between my legs I was struggling trying to urinate. I closed my eyes and relaxed my body but I couldn't do it. My thought was that if the opening to my penis was between my legs I would pee like a girl, even if it wouldn't be exactly the same. Since I was struggling I decided to pull my penis out and tuck it in the front. I would still get the feeling of my panties being soaked just not from between my legs, instead it would be in the front.
Still, despite the new positioning, I was having a hard time peeing. I closed my eyes and relaxed my entire body and leaned forward with my palm against the shower wall. It took a lot of focus but, finally, I was able to feel it start to move. Slowly but surely I could feel the slight warmth in my urethra. There was a tingling building in the tip that almost felt like a sting, but it was a welcomed sting like when you feel teeth against your ear.
After a number of false starts I began peeing. The wet feeling was present almost instantly, followed by a pattering onto the shower floor. But, much to my dismay, it only lasted a couple of seconds and the totality of the stream was a moderate amount of dampness and a couple of wet spots in my panties. Pissing yourself is hard.

Again I tried and went through the false starts. I could feel it sitting there waiting to come out but I couldn't make it go. Peeing isn't a matter of force when you don't have to really go bad, it's a matter of relaxation. So, once again, through focus and mental fortitude (not stability), I was finally able to make myself pee again. My panties were now wet. They weren't soaking but they were wet along the front. My fingers underneath my testicles were damp, but there was still a feeling there that I had more.
I eventually was able to go again, pulling my panties down and holding my penis as if I were going to pee in the toilet. At first, right before I let loose the last bit I pulled my panties back over my penis and tried to soak the rest of them but the stream was light and I stopped almost immediately upon covering the tip. My body and brain were working against me, so I gave up. I still managed to pee a little bit more but with my penis out and free and my panties tucked under my testicles.

I've cum in panties many times in my life and every time I did I wished I had taken them off and balled them up to cum in them rather than have to peel the cum soaked panties off of my legs, or lay there in them until I felt like doing it. Standing in the shower was a natural lesson-learned from all of those times. I turned the shower on and let the warm water build up and stepped into it, panties still on. I really enjoy the feeling of wearing the panties and I enjoy having them soaking wet so I shampooed my hair and scrubbed my body with body wash while wearing my panties as the water cascaded over me.
I even slipped the cloth into my panties and rubbed my shaft and testicles with the cloth. The feeling lit a spark that had been simmering during the entire process. It was probably what triggered me into going through with the experience. I wanted to cum.
I put the cloth on the nozzle and grabbed the shower gel and poured a small stream inside my panties. I grabbed some shaving gel and put some of that in as well, then I proceeded to rub the front of my panties with my palms causing the the two gels to lather and foam up through the panties. The feeling was incredible and I began rubbing my hand into my hardening shaft. After a few moments I had my cock in my hand and was facing the water stroking swiftly. The warm water was pouring down my chest and over my panties and my hand was pumping it faster and faster.
But I didn't want to cum yet. Whenever I cum in the shower and I let loose freely onto the shower floor the feeling is quickly dulled and over, but when I orgasm in bed and cover the tip of my penis and squeeze it in the right spots as I'm pumping out cum it feels incredible and the after shocks can be extremely intense. I wanted that right now, so I turned away from the shower and pulled my panties back over my hard penis.
I rubbed my palms down the shaft and grabbed it. My fingers dragged it up and down my pelvis and then squeezed it and rubbed it with my palms again. I was in a fury of euphoria and moaning almost uncontrollably. I pushed myself into a fantasy, connecting with the part of me that wants to be in panties and loves the feeling of them. " I thought of the kink account I just created on the dating app Feeld and that I wanted to fill out the "what am I looking for" part. I moaned what I wanted into the bathroom air.

"I want to be your girl. I want to wear panties for you. I want you to call me pretty. I want you to call me beautiful. I want to dress up for you and for you to want me like a girl. I want you to fuck me like a girl with my legs bent back and my knees up by my ears! Call me your girl! Make me your girl!"

And then my body shook and my cock spasmed. I reached my arm out to stead myself and leaned against the wall. The cum shot out hard and my body shivered. My legs went like jelly. My hips felt as if they could no longer hold me up on their own.
I didn't have the intensity I usually have in bed with my orgasms, but it was much more than just shooting out cum onto the shower floor. I panted heavily and my panties clung to me full of cum. I peeled them off and they rolled down into a thin fabric, barely looking like a thick string. I picked them up and unraveled them after about a minute of catching my breath and my bearings. I set them over the faucet and finished my shower.

It felt incredible. I felt tired, exhausted, spent but absolutely satisfied beyond a doubt.

I didn't regret what I had did, despite having had piss soaked panties around my waist and then cumming into them afterwards. I even don't regret moaning that I wanted to be someone's pretty plaything that they would let me dress up in feminine clothes and have them call me pretty and fuck me like a girl, despite not being feminine in appearance in the least. It was nice to have indulged in something and not feel bad about it afterwards. It was nice not feeling gross or weak and just fulfilled.

I'm not sure I'll do this again any time soon, as I hadn't anticipated doing it today and it just kind of snuck up on me. I think the feeling came from indulging in it sporadically. I might even like to do it with another person someday, in any capacity, as long as I have trust in them enough to keep this feeling of satisfaction present.

That was my day, how was yours?