“Hi.   Come on in,” the older man met me at the door after a knock and only a few moments.  I was nervous, even if it wasn’t my first time, so I was happy he didn’t leave me standing on his side porch for too long.

I muttered a hello and thank you as he invited me, then slipped out of my boots and stood in his kitchen.  He stood next to me in his thin robe and I noticed his bare chest as the robe hung open.  There was no hiding what this was going to be and seeing him half naked and in complete comfort gave me a shiver from it.  I didn’t have to worry about flirting or saying the right (or wrong) thing, this was already headed in one direction the moment I pulled into his driveway and knocked on his door.

He had a dog, it was a little yappy one and it was barking its balls off at me.  

“Don’t mind him,” he told me then sharply hushed at the dog the way someone would who treats their dog like a child.  

“Come on, follow me,” he headed out of the kitchen and through the living room.  It was really just one big space separated by different flooring and carefully positioned furniture.  

We reached the bedroom and had to climb over a gate he said he used to keep the dog out.  It wasn’t locked in place, but leaned against the doorway which made me think the dog regularly does end up in the bedroom but he gave me the courtesy of believing it doesn’t.  

When we both made it into the bedroom he closed the door with the little dog still barking on the other side of it.  We were alone in a dimly lit room with a simple bed against the wall and a side table on the left and right.  I was still nervous, although I didn’t really know why, this had gone as easily as possible.  

We had shared some discussions about how I’d like it to go from here.  He wasn’t much to discuss fantasy and how an ideal time together would go, but I shared with him how I’d have loved it to go.  How my perfect, fantasy encounter would play out.

First, I’d enter his house and he would immediately tell me to strip in the doorway.  In my ideal fantasy I would be told to strip down to nothing with the door still open.  I think there was always a bit of exhibitionism in my foray into homosexuality.  The idea of being caught excited and terrified me, so a little act such as leaving a door open for someone to see me standing naked always gave me thrills.  He said he had something better in mind though, and he instead led me into the bedroom fully clothed.  

With the door closed and the bed so very close I started to tense up.  I’m not good at situations like this, which is why I want the guy to take the lead.  Ideally he would just tell me what to do, which is why I like the idea of him telling me to strip in his doorway and get it out of the way right at the beginning.  I wanted him to grab me and grope me.  To squeeze my cock and rub it until it gets hard, then tell me to bend over the side of the bed so he can have his way with me.

He wasn’t the aggressor that I wanted, but that doesn’t mean it was bad.  I was told to take off my shirt, which I did, and he immediately began to kiss and suck at my nipples.  I’ve always had mixed reactions when it comes to nipple play as mine aren’t very sensitive.  I’m not against it but it’s not very effective with me when its your lead move.  I went along with it though and he came up after a few moments and kissed me, which was perfect.

Despite being with multiple men I had never kissed another man.  I’m pretty sure it was the reason I still had gone on Grindr on occasion, as I wasn’t ready to give up my homosexual pursuits until I actually had a deep, tongue infused make-out session with another man.  I was finally getting that and it was perfect.  I enjoy kissing immensely, so even if he wasn’t that good at it I would love the opportunity to drive my tongue into his mouth and thrash it around for a bit.  But, thankfully, he was good at it and it was perfect.

We kissed like wildfire.  There was hunger in my lips and he pushed back against that hunger trying to feed himself.  The kiss took us over to the bed, as if we had just slammed our way into the bedroom bouncing off of walls until we finally made it in.  I was panting onto his face and we only broke the kiss so I could strip out of my remaining clothes and he could do the same.  As I pulled off my socks (because who wants to make out on a bed with anyone wearing socks?) he scooted around the other side of the bed, crawled onto it and laid there waiting for me.  My cock wasn’t fully erect, but it was getting there and I crawled to him on the bed and into his waiting arms.  I kissed him in his bed, both of us completely naked, while grinding our exposed cocks against each other’s thighs.  It was perfect.

I was so hungry for his lips that I didn’t want to stop tasting them, which aroused me even further and in turn made me want more.  His dick was pressed against my thigh and it felt hard and my mouth became jealous.  We broke our kiss and I dropped down his body.  He was much bigger than me in thickness and in length and I wasted no time before gobbling his cock in my mouth and bobbing my head up and down on it.

It was amazing to have him in my mouth.  His cock was well above average sized and it felt hard like a steel rod.  He was much harder than I was, which was probably because he was a gay man wanting to fuck another man and I was a quasi-bisexual looking for some comfort in someone else’s (anyone else’s) arms.  Either way, I enjoyed feeling the sure hardness of his cock and pumping it while tickling his balls.  He did as well, as I could tell from his deep, guttural groans.

Although my favorite part of the entire experience was right after I had been sucking his cock for a few minutes and my mouth was tired.  I pulled up and crawled forward on top of him, laid down so I was partly on him and partly on the bed and kissed his lips again deeply.  The way his arms wrapped around me and his tongue met mine was exactly what I needed.  I felt both hungry and desired in that moment and it was bliss.

From then on the experience had its ups and downs.  I met him and I wanted to do everything with him.  There had been men in the past that I hooked up with and I had regretted not trying harder to experience all aspects of sex with them.  I had sucked their cocks but when getting to the point where they would fuck me I wasn’t always able to do it, typically due to the size of them.  For some reason I continued hooking up with men who had massive cocks and if they had successfully fucked me I would be going around with an unexplainable limp for days, but I wanted him to fuck me so we tried.

Everything to this point had been practically ideal, so I wanted to try something else I didn’t think I would ever get to do.  I wanted him to fuck me as if I was a girl.  There are two ways I wanted to do it, but I was only able to try one of them.  The first, which I was unable to do, would be to ride his cock.  My god it would have been incredible.  Slowly rising and falling on his thick, steel rod while my cock was either hard itself and he played with it or it was soft and bouncing up and down as he fucked me.  

The other way, which I did get to try, was missionary.  My legs were spread and in the air and he was pushing up between my legs.  I reached forward for his face, I wanted to kiss him as he fucked me.  I wanted him deep inside my ass as he pushed into me, again and again while he bent me in half.  Ideally my legs would have been dangling over his shoulders as he thrusted forward.  He would have been deep inside of me while telling me to stroke my cock and cum all over my chest while I was fucked.  While I didn’t quite get to have all of that, I did have my legs spread, almost bent in half, as he pushed himself into my tight asshole and fucked me.  The bed shook and the springs creaked.  I’m sure my face was twisted as I moaned out for him to fuck me over and over again.

From here is where I lost the feeling I had.  I’m not exactly sure what happened but it was partly both of our faults.  For me it was mental.  I just couldn’t get into it enough to actually cum, and he desperately wanted me to cum.  And, again, for me, with men, I don’t particularly like to be given oral or anything, or at least not the way he was doing it.  He was overly eager and hungry for cum.  When he had his lips around my cock he had me all the way in his mouth, showing how much bigger he was than me, and he would make a hungry, moaning, vibration.  The entire feeling turned me off and made me lose my erection.  

I continually tried to stroke myself hard again for him.  He wanted one of us to cum and I think he was hoping it would be me so he could swallow it, but as much as I tried to I couldn’t and eventually just gave up.  At that point we just laid in his bed for a bit, he went on talking randomly non-stop.  I would have much preferred to lay there in silence, playing with his cock and him running his hands over my body, but I’ve never wanted to complain about the experience because overall I look back at it fondly.

After a short while of laying there with him I decided to get up and go.  It was funny the way he talked about how most bi-guys didn’t like to kiss and how he appreciated how I enjoyed it, I don’t know why but I liked it.  It made me feel special, that I kissed him like we were both gay men in a passionate embrace.  I told him I loved kissing and could do it all day, but my time was up and I needed to get out of there before I got a phone call and had to either ignore it or answer it and explain where I was.

Now, for some reason, I can’t recall if we ever got together again.  Somewhere inside of me thinks that we did, that I went to his house and parked in his driveway and went to his dimly lit room and we kissed and attempted to fuck a second time, but the more I try and think about it the more I think it never happened.  I think the confusion is that we talked and considered meeting and never ended up getting together at first.  He said he was moving out of the area but never ended up leaving, and I remember this because it was something he talked about, going on and on in regards to his situation when we were in bed together.  

After we got together I messaged him and told him how perfect an experience it was and how it was exactly what I needed, but at the same time I deleted Grindr shortly after.  My desire to have sex with men wanes after I experience it.  Some of it due to shame, some of it due to a satisfied hunger.  

I deleted it only to download it again many months later and I reached out to him, the same guy.  I don’t know if he remembered me and treated me as someone who ghosted him, or if he didn’t remember me and just didn’t want to get involved, but we never ended up getting together despite me saying I’d love to meet up.  He didn’t respond as he had in the past and I never could get him to commit to any day.  I deleted and re-downloaded the app a few times since then but I never seem to see him online anymore.

It was a great experience.  I am so glad that it happened.  I got to, sort of, pretend to be gay with another man.  I’ve always wanted to have sex with a gay man where he would treat me like someone he was into rather than some secret, dirty fuck partner.  Another item off of my horny bucket list.  I would have liked to keep him as a back-up for anytime I wanted to feel special and just kiss and fuck wildly with someone who wanted me, but that is a selfish feeling that is not rooted in reality.  

I’ll always get to say I kissed another man, deep and hard.  Our tongues trashed against each other and I crawled into his arms, naked in his bed.  He touched me, groped me, fondled me.  He pushed my legs up over my head and fucked me, or attempted to shove his thick cock into my tight little fuck hole.  

It was dirty.

It was a little romantic.

It was hot.

It was damn near perfect.

Thank you, Grindr guy.  You fulfilled a deep need that I had always craved and if I never actually get together with another man at least I’ll know I had one really good experience with one.