I've got an appointment with a new friend soon. I haven't been obsessing over it but it invaded my consciousness last night when I had a dream about her and the experience overall. It was interesting to say the least.
I didn't even really think I had it on my mind that much. Yes, as it got closer I would look and see how many days away it was but I wasn't giddy or anything. I didn't scroll her social media and look at her pictures or any of the other kind of obsessive things I might have done in the past when excited. As the days grew closer I did check her social media but she's fairly inactive so I spent a little time scrolling through other sex worker's social media, liking a few posts and then closing it. No big deal.
As we got closer the instructions were to reconfirm the appointment to make sure everything is scheduled and I'm still going to go through with it. That makes sense as I'm sure in her line of work there are a lot of people who back out or ghost so reconfirming is logical. Thinking about reconfirming must have triggered the dream because I really hadn't even thought about how it was even going to go outside of when I originally contacted her.
Last night I did my usual routine. Masturbated, ejaculated, fell asleep. The dream started off, as most do, right in the middle and is hard to place where it started exactly but I was going to see her, the woman, but it had a feeling of a pre-appointment as if it were a kind of interview of sorts. In my dream state I did not think I was going to have sex right then, which actually makes sense now that I think about it. Why? Because I'm not sure I'm actually going to have sex with her when we actually meet.
To back up a bit, on her lyla.ch bio she lists that she offers massage and kink while also being available to hire out for parties, etc. Nowhere does it say anything (pro or con) about penetration, Greek, oral or any kind of GFE, etc. On the other side, I'm sure most providers don't provide an exhaustive list where you can stick it. But, besides the point, when booking I was unsure exactly what would be involved, but I went ahead anyway because my experience with my former, local, provider was that I'm not that great at sex anyway and by far my favorite time with her was when I told her what I really wanted and she jerked me off while repeatedly saying, "do you want to cum," in escalation to my deep, desperate moaning.
I told my new provider what I was looking for, something similar to that high point with the other girl and she said that was definitely something she could do. It got me very excited. Hopefully not too excited.
To finally throw another bit of confusion into the entire wheel, looking up her reviews on lyla.ch, she has many positive reviews about how incredible she is. One side of me thinks that most men wouldn't possibly pay a woman to specifically not fuck them. On the other hand, if they're submissive or looking for a massage with a happy ending maybe that's exactly what she provides and kind of what I want. So, all in all, I've no idea if I'm paying her to fuck me, suck me, stroke me or simply touch me but I'm excited for any of it as its been a while since I've had any of that.
Now that the background is out of the way, onto my dream.
The first thing that stands out to me is that there were multiple people in a sparsely furnished apartment. There was a bed, of course, but I don't remember much else aside from the white walls. I think this is linking back to a memory from my first time having sex with another man, which I have written about on old blogs but it seems I've never gotten into here. I'll have to fix that, but another time. Briefly, for context, I got into his truck and he drove me to an apartment he was fixing up and fucked me in a backroom on the floor.
White walls. Sparsely furnished. Yeah.
There were two or three other women aside from the sex worker I was meeting, as well as one man. As I said it didn't feel like the day we were going to have sex. The entirety of my internal thoughts hummed with the idea of voyeurism as there was another couple being brought in by some of the other women to their own appointment and my sex worker was kind of invisible, in the background as the strange scene unfolded.
The couple were made to lay on their back and, suddenly, I was included in the scene. Dreams are fucking weird. So instead of this faceless, entity-less man and his girlfriend or wife or whatever, I was being ushered in to join. My sex worker reappeared leading me to the bed and now I was naked and laying on my back with the other man laying on his back at the other end of the bed. Both of our feet were raised and knees bent at a 90 degree angle, and we were asked to press our feet against each other. The other man in the room, the one who was with the sex workers had offered up, somewhat randomly as the other male customer and I were asked to do this, that he was there for their protection.
Our feet were pressed into each other with our bare asses mirroring our positions. At the point the other man's sex worker climbed on his lap and began riding him. My sex worker talked to me, but I have no recollection of what it was about. This is where the dream starts to get muddy and I must have woken up because it all fades to nothing beyond that.
Easy analysis:
- I was the other man and used the word mirror above because my subconscious remembers and is offering it.
- The female that was with the other man, his partner who disappeared, was the representative of my former sex worker that I had seen who is no longer working and is now passing me off, in my subconscious, to a new sex worker.
- The feet touching is us being each other's mirror along with a weird incorporation of weight lifting posture and positioning I have been looking into recently.
- The mirror of myself having sex with his sex worker and me having mine only talk with me is an allusion to me not knowing what is going to happen regarding penetration; one part of me gets to fuck her and the other part of me gets the closeness and intimacy of being naked with an attractive woman.
- The other man? I have no idea. He could represent the man I had my first homosexual experience with inserting himself in as a human representation of the location. Other than saying that he was there for their protection he didn't do or say anything else. While the protection line is most likely in reference to some kind of bouncer that is often present in popular culture when talking about sex workers.
I think the weirdness of the scenario is me having no idea what is going to happen, so my brain came up with such a strange situation. I don't know whether I'm having sex with a sex worker, my brain says, "okay, how about I split you in two and you can do both but your consciousness is in the you that doesn't get to have sex because secretly that's what you want because your favorite time so far with a sex worker is when she jerked you off to orgasm instead of letting you fuck her until you orgasmed."
That sounds about right.
Aroused Urination
I hate that I missed posting last week. I'm trying to get into a routine of posting once a week on Thursday's but sometimes it just doesn't work out. It's usually my fault because I jerked off to porn instead of writing, which is what I think happened last week. I won't tell you what kind of porn though, but its related to the featured image at the top.
What I will tell you is that I tried to actually pre-empt my jerking off and wasting my day by jerking off in the shower prior to starting my day. Turns out it just led me down a jerking off path as I've turned my writing days into kink days and my fetishes flare up bad when my mind is free to wander. Specifically my arousal at the thought of urinating in my underwear, or even more specifically urinating in panties.
Last week I did just that only this time I let it build all morning; the urge to pee. In the past I would go when I first got up and then again but last week I only went when I first got up and the subsequent few hours I either actively held it or was too busy to think about it while I prepared my day.
One thing that usually pairs with my urination fetish is being naked and alone. When I'm alone and everything is quiet during the day I have this almost compulsive need to take all of my clothes off and walk around the house naked.
It feels freeing.
It feels a little dirty.
It feels a little taboo, and it turns me on.
I don't want to be a nudist, I do know that. I have no desire to spend all day, every day without clothes, but for a little bit I like the out of the normal feeling it gives. I don't even really touch my penis for most of it, unless I spend a lot of time sitting prior to getting a shower. I just walk around and let it tink back and forth as I walk.
As I move around, and am naked, the feeling to urinate grows and I can feel that gentle sting at the tip of my penis telling me I can go whenever I want, I just have to give into it. Holding the urge is part of the thrill. I know I could just let go and piss wherever I am and my penis would send out a stream of it. Some part of me wants to as well. I want to pee where I stand and let it go. The hot stream spilling onto the floor and spattering on contact, then running in different directions as the pool widens. I thought of being able to walk and pee and let it go with no control and my penis moving back and forth as it emptied itself as I moved and the thought got me genuinely aroused. I got so turned at the thought of this that I masturbated to it in the shower after pissing in a pair of panties.
Prior to the shower I found a pair of panties and put them on, bunched my penis inside of them and got in the shower. I could pee at any moment I wished but I wanted the panties soaked, but I remembered from my previous experience that it was difficult to get the feeling when I was flaccid and tucked back between my legs, so I bunched myself up and got into the shower after briefly walking around the house in a pair of panties and letting that dirty feeling build up a bit more.
When I got in to the shower and tried to pee it was no challenge, the stream shot out easily. The only issue was that it was too easy and barely soaked any of the panties I was wearing. I was hoping for the entire front of the panties and down between my legs to be absolutely drenched in piss, but instead it was the a small-ish circumference around the area the tip of my penis pressed into the thin fabric. I was kind of disappointed, but still felt a charge.
I left the panties on and turned on the shower. This is the second time I've showered while wearing pissed-in panties. I did the same thing I did last time, my usual shampoo and body and then down between my legs and over the panties. I squirted a bunch of extra body wash inside the panties and rubbed the washcloth between my legs and let a really thick lather build. I rubbed my testicles and my penis was getting hard so I put the washcloth on the faucet and began to stroke myself with the panties rolled down a small amount. I tried, repeatedly, to pull them back up and ejaculate into them to feel a mixed amount of shame and filth by wearing piss and cum soaked panties but every time I pulled them up the sensation faded quickly. I wanted to cum though, so I left the panties high around my upper thighs and jerked off. I ejaculated into the shower and everything drained out of me.
After a moment of recovery and letting the water pour onto my chest, I pushed the panties down to the shower floor and hung them on the faucet with the washcloth. I finished washing myself off and ended the shower, putting everything in the washing machine to be cleaned. I felt extremely relaxed, which was a great feeling but it was counterproductive to writing. In an attempt to force myself to write I ended up perusing some porn and just turned myself on enough to jerk off again and cum in my pants around lunch time.
The rest of the afternoon held about the same amount of productivity.
Now were at today, which I'm glad I was able to get this down, even if its not really new territory or any creative work. I do have a sequel to the cuckquean story in the works, and its just about finished but I need to go over the ending before I post it. After that I have a sequel to my Amazon erotica piece I Didn't Know My Coworker Could Be So Dominant, and from there I don't know. I've got a lot of ideas and a lot of them partially done but I don't know where to go. I'd like to get into some cuckold content but it all feels a bit forced so I want to let that comes to me so it doesn't come out bad and have me hating it.
Positives, I posted. I haven't jerked off (yet). All things considered that's a successful day. At worst next week I'll have an experience to share about how it went with my sex worker and, of course, whether I actually had sex or not.
(It's going on 10 months now).