As I'm sitting here right now trying to think of something to write on this blog so it doesn't go dormant I keep grabbing my cock and giving it a gentle rub and squeeze. I scrolled through some of my old writings, which ends up being a bit of a time suck, and then go to Literotica and check out my stories there to see how they're doing.

23 stories total, 13 of them from my dubcon series about a man being "forced" into being a sissy for his roommate. They seem to be pretty popular, with a number of them being rated in the low 4.7 out of 5 stars.

So I keep going back to the thought, gay erotica seems like it would be the most eye catching. Then I rub my cock a little more and think of different things to write about. I've got one on the go about a man getting involved with his sister's new husband. Then I've got a cuckold one going where the man is made into a submissive cuckold who cleans off his wife's bull after they fuck. One more where it's inspired by the wonderful Heated Rivalry but in the football realm (why not with the Superbowl coming up, huh?).

Gay thoughts abound.
And then I think to myself, fuck I'd love a jerk off buddy.

I messaged a guy in the past, years ago, and he lived locally. He was an older man and lived not too far away where I could sneak out and plant myself under his desk and suck his cock. The picture he shared, I'm pretty sure it was on Grindr, was of him sitting at his desk I believe. I've always loved the idea of older men taking control and using me. I wanted to go to his house and be told to strip naked. I'd crawl under his desk and suck his cock until he flooded my throat with cum, then he'd jerk me off with my back into his chest as he called me a good little faggot.

Nothing ever came of that but I just keep going back to that type of scenario; comfortable in someone's home and being led. I want to sit on someone's couch and have them pull out their cock and say, "go on, suck it."

I'd drop my head down nervously, stroking their large meaty cock, and part my lips while it disappeared inside. Their moans would fill the room and they'd talk dirty to me.

"You're such a good cock sucker."
"Swallow that meat, faggot."
"Show me how bad you need my cock."
"Don't stop until you're drowning in my cum."
"Fuck yes, deep throat it. Let me hear you gag."

I love soft degradation. Not too thick. Not too mean. Just a drop of a derogatory word here and there to make it borderline filthy and I'm going to be begging you to stroke my cock as I suck you off.

Call me a faggot. Tell me how eager I look while sucking your cock. Most of all, what I'd really love, is for you to pull your cock out of my mouth and, while you tell me to stick my tongue out so you can bounce the tip on it, you tell me to tell you that I'm gay.

"Go on faggot, tell me you're gay. I want to hear you say it and then I'll feed this cock down that gay throat of yours until you're choking on my cum."

It's the forced aspect. It's being coerced into saying it. It's the thought of admitting something that, while not necessarily true, is heavy dirty talk. It's not taboo to be gay, but to admit you're gay when you're not so you can suck on a man's cock because you're so horny for it is. To fantasize about being blackmailed or pushed into sucking cock or being fucked by a man is to someone who doesn't consider themselves gay but likes to play a closeted gay man in his fantasies.

So the idea of having a man sitting on the couch next to me pull his cock out and start stroking is exhilarating. Sitting there as he strokes it and not sure how to react. Do I get up and leave? Do I say what the hell are you doing? Do I look at it and watch him? Do I do nothing and stare nervously ahead?

He'd have a big cock, preferably. Huge if possible. A gigantic cock that flops forward in his lap as he runs his hand along his massive girth.

Maybe a grunt and a shift in his seat and he looks over at me and sees me nervous. What does he do? Ask me if I mind. Do I want to touch it?

Or does he ask me to take out mine?

"Take out your cock," he says plainly.

I don't even know how to react. What do you say to that? A straight man would say something along the lines of, "what the fuck are you talking about?"
But me? I'd sit there, nervously. I'd get hot. I'd flush red in the face. Because I want to? But I'd do nothing.

And then he'd say it again. He would reach over this time maybe, pat me on my crotch, or maybe grip it and give it a squeeze.

"Take out your cock. Come on."

Gentle coercing. Nothing firm or harsh. There is a time and place for that. A firm order is for when I'm standing in a man's doorway and he's telling me to strip naked for him because he's in charge and I'm just a couple of holes for him to use. This isn't that.

So what would I do? I'd do it. Of course I would do it. I'm secretly, desperately wanting to touch his massive cock and put it in my mouth. I want to slip down onto my knees and tongue his balls and gag on his massive length until he cums in my mouth.

My hands nervously, and clumsily, undo my pants and push my boxer briefs to my knees. My pants fall to my ankles and suddenly I'm much more exposed than he is. All he did was unzip his pants and pull out his cock and it was so big it flopped half way down to his knee. My cock is modestly sized and while sitting it only sticks out enough for me to wrap a fist around it.

He turns back to whatever it is we were doing before and slowly pumps at his length. His cock seems hard but its not erect. It's like a snake, hanging limp but firm. It seemed as if he had swung it and hit me with it that it would smack me hard and hurt.
My own cock would be as hard as it could get and if I stroked it too much too quickly I'd be spilling my orgasm out all over myself. I try to go slow, but its difficult. My eyes are on his cock and his hand stroking it. He notices and asks me if I want to trade. I look at him confused, not sure what he means because my brain isn't working.

"Here, you stroke me and I'll stroke you."

He slides over next to me and our thighs are now touching. He reaches over and grips my cock, which disappears in his hand.

"Here, slide down a little, stick your butt on the edge of the couch."

I slouch and give him a better grip of my cock. I feel stupid calling what I have a cock as my appendage is nowhere near the same species as his. When I grab ahold of his cock the first thing I notice is how heavy it is. It has weight on both sides, hanging from the tip as gravity pulls it downward.

"Go on. Make me cum," he tells me. So I stroke him and he strokes me.

We jerk each other off sitting on the couch. I'd come close to orgasming much sooner than he would. He would feel my body tense up and I'd pant and moan and whine. I'd get so close and get so nervous that once I finish cumming I wouldn't want to do this anymore. I wouldn't want to be here anymore. I'd ask him to stop. I'd beg that I don't want to cum yet.

"It's too soon," I'd say meekly.

I'm such a pathetic cock whore I wouldn't want it to be over yet. The reason? I want him in my mouth. But, I'm too nervous to ask.

He stops stroking me and I lean over to him and focus all of my attention on his massive cock. I wrap both hands around it and pump it up and down. I hold his gigantic snake in my two palms and have enough for me to be at least two more there. The only thing I can think about is putting my mouth around his head and seeing how far down I can push it.

He's groaning. His cock is becoming harder, more erect. I'm still hard. Just touching his cock is making me hard. The swell inside of me is a monsoon. I want to kiss him and grind my balls on his thigh. I want him to pin me down and fuck me and ask me how I like being fucked by a man. A fantasy I have when I'm jerking off late at night creeps into my mind and I think about lowering myself onto his cock and staring at him while straddling his lap as he fucks me like a girl.

Where would it go? How far would we go? I'd be interested to see if I was ever with a man again. I like being made to feel like the girl. I like being the submissive to another man. I want him to take charge and tell me what to do. I'd want to suck his cock and have him fuck me. I'd want to ride him or lay on my back and have my ankles pushed back above my ears as he slammed into me. I want him to fuck me as he kisses me. And I want it all to start off with us sitting on his couch and hearing him say something simple to me.

"Take your cock out."