The lesson? The more you write the more you have written. Easy right? Sure. 

So I’ve been bad again and haven’t written since May.  The beginning of the end?  I don’t remember and if I click away from here to go check I’m sure I’ll get sucked into some other rabbits hole where I end up jerking off and cumming and not writing in here again.

The good news?  I’ve actually been writing and I actually have multiple books published on Amazon under a couple of pen names. It’s all so confusing at the start, the pen name thing and how to manage it but I think I’ve got a loose-gripped handle on it, even if my first month of actually putting effort into it I only made less than $3.

Actually that’s a bit disingenuous, that wasn’t my first official month of doing it. That was May and I didn’t go full blast into it until June and I made around $90 in June and am closing in on $400 towards the end of July so, that’s a pretty good jump, huh?  I think so.

My main issue now is wondering if I’ve kind of plateaued or can I keep pushing.  Of course, there are other main issues but this is strictly about writing so that’s all I care about in this area. For one of my names the focus is Gay erotica, specifically first time gay or straight to gay.  It’s the one I’ve been focusing the most on because it’s kind of near and dear to my heart. Although I’ve been trying to find the right method of writing because I wasn’t sure if my style was right.

I think I was wrong.

So when I first started writing I was thinking I needed more action and not so slow and interior. I tried my best to write, like, third person and have it all surface level stuff with lots of sex and fucking and my first like, really trying book ended up doing really well.  I mean, really well in the context that I have because my three or four previous tries bombed massively. But this book?  It got reads and people actually bought it.  So I wrote more like that and had mixed success. Then, for fun, I decided to write one sort of like how I used to write these stories. First person perspective. Lots of interiority and questioning. Uncomfortable feelings of wanting and struggling to come to grips with that wanting.

It turns out that’s kind of what people wanted.  The next two books I wrote like that and they both did pretty well and are still doing well. 

After that I started another pen name, this one was focused on BBC and cuckold dynamic. It’s made so much more than any of my others and it was mostly released after all of them.  The interiority books that I released more recently are keeping close to pace with it, but its sold the most copies and has had the most reads. Although I’m not sure if the difference is because most of my stories have been 15,000-22,000 words in the gay erotica genre while the BBC cuckold story is around 30,000+ words. 

I think its the latter but I don’t know and I don’t know if I should spend the time working through a 30,000+ gay erotica first time story to test the theory because I think BBC cuckold is pretty damn popular as well.  I guess the actual test would be write a 20,000 word BBC cuckold short story and see if that does well.

But then that creates another “problem” to have, although its kind of a good one.  I have about 30+ different story ideas right now in some various point of development.  Some are half done. Some have a beat map structure. Some are just ideas written down so I don’t forget them. I have even random thoughts of a specific scene floating in my head that I just have written down yet also that I’m not even counting. The struggle of being a writer I guess. The second part of that struggle is calling yourself an idiot for referring to yourself as a writer.

So, this post got away from me lol. I meant to start it as a quick “hey, I haven’t written in a while, this is what I’ve been up to, here’s a one off excerpt I’m going to write into a story sometime” but yeah. Pretty typical of me honestly.

I think I’ll wrap this post up and then write the story in the next post and set it out for tomorrow, or tonight or something. The idea is kind of a development of mine. I’m trying to look into the possibility of expanding my *gag* brand *barf* further than just Amazon because Amazon is a puritanical who-will-think-of-the-children school marm offended by everything. There are kinks and fetishes that I’d like to play out that are considered taboo and will get a person banned from publishing on Amazon, and well, that would suck as I’ve just started and don’t want to be banned when I’m barely 2 months into my journey.

The hard part? Nobody lets you write that shit and monetize it lol.  I was thinking about Patreon but apparently they don’t let you either. I guess the problem isn’t necessarily people being offended, its the credit card processors and the idea that pornography has the highest rate of people calling their cards and reporting credit card fraud because they either didn’t recognize the transaction on their statement or their spouse saw it and said what the fuck is this and they have to say its a scam so they can avoid a fight.

I think the last one is funny and should write a story about it.

BUT! Saying all that, you can’t fucking get paid for this shit anywhere.  Or, anywhere that is easy and worse, there are so many fucking contradictions!  Like, Patreon says they don’t allow it but I looked up Mind Control on their search and there’s a fuck-ton of mind control focused things.  So they allow it but not always and its at their discretion.  Same with Amazon, they have tons of dubious consent (dubcon) stuff and they don’t allow it.  So, for fucks sake, how does someone do it?

You can abide by all of the rules and just not, but…honestly…it’s fun to write about that kind of stuff.  That loss of control or the power of having control over someone.  The feeling of doing something and you can’t stop yourself and experiencing it from inside as you do it. Or even lighter than mind control and blackmail.  You have no idea how many times I used to be at work and imagine what it would be like for a manager to find out I was chatting on an NSFW chatroom during work hours surrounded by people with pictures of naked women and having that manager call me into their office and tell me if I didn’t want to get fired I’d have to suck their dick.  I’d get under the desk and put a man’s dick in my mouth for the first time and I’d be their cock sucking slave. I honestly can’t believe I’ve never actually written a story based on that yet. But I love it. The idea of being that bi-curious person who was forced into being gay and being able to say I didn’t actually want it I was just forced is really hot because I did actually want it but couldn’t come to grips with the idea that I did.

That idea had always gone further too. I’d want to be made into a sissy and be “forced” to tell them I was gay.  That I was a faggot. That I hated pussy and only loved cock.  All of it. All of this forced stuff that wasn’t actually forced.

Then the mind control. I’d never really been into it until I watched the Netflix Marvel show Jessica Jones. There’s some serious noncon (non consensual sex) going on there and at random one day I was driving and I saw this woman. She was fucking incredible. It was the summer and she had on a black sports bra and black jogging pants and she was walking on the side walk and her tits were bouncing gloriously.

I thought to myself about what would be possible if I could just pull up and unlock the door and tell her to get in and have her do it simply because I told her to. I had concocted a whole idea about it. A scenario where I’d tell her that she was really hot, uncomfortably hot and she was sweating and I’d just be driving. I’d drive and drive and she would become more and more uncomfortable and I’d then say that the only way she could feel relief from the heat is if she took off her pants. A seed in her mind that gave her the idea but her nervousness in a car with a stranger made her wait until she couldn’t take it anymore and she would ask me if I minded if she took her pants off and I’d be polite and say absolutely and she would take them off and feel immediate relief. Until she didn’t.

I’d keep adding things on top. That she was still hot and she needed to remove her sports bra and she would do it until she was naked. Then she felt itchy between her legs and the only help is if she rubbed her clit, and she would start that. Then her nipples would become cold and she would have to cover them to warm them up and ask me to rub her clit for her and feel embarrassed and apologize to me for having to ask and I’d do it.

Then, finally, at the end, the seed would be planted that the only thing that will stop her pussy from itching is if she had someone’s cum inside her. It would act as a balm and cure it instantly and she would ask me if I would cum inside of her to help. The instant my cock went in her I’d tell her the sensation was fading as long as I was inside of her and it would leave if she made me cum. And she would fuck me and I’d tell her it was the most incredible feeling she’d ever experienced and her body would react and she would have the most mind blowing orgasm she ever had. I’d cum inside of her and the relief would wash over her so completely that the orgasm and the relief combined to give her a euphoric feeling.

Then I’d drop her off back where I picked her up, an hour or so later. I’d tell her that she wouldn’t remember anything specific about the last hour, just that she would never feeling anything as good as she had with me during that encounter. Every single time she had sex she would think it wasn’t as good as that time, that one time, that she can’t remember but it wasn’t as good as then. She knew it was in a car but can’t remember specifics. And if she ever was near me again she would feel it and feel aroused and feel compelled to find me in the crowd and come up to me and be nervous and try to talk to me and she would have no idea why, but her body would crave that feeling again and it would push her into trying to get it again.

It’s a bit intense and it's very taboo, and yes, for those judgemental types, extremely creepy. It’s also a fucking story. Its make believe. Its pointed at a flash of a woman I saw briefly as I drove by her and never saw her again. It's vague enough that nobody would ever recognize her based off of the thin, generic description I gave. So, honestly, chill the fuck out : )

Writers take inspiration from real life. It happens. As long as I’m not doxxing her and naming her or describing her exactly as she looks from her clothing to her hair to identifiable markers then she is an anonymous woman that inspired a sexually explicit intense story. I’m not following women around taking pictures to masturbate to later and then writing stories about them after the fact.

So, why the need to defend myself then if there’s nothing wrong with it? I’m not defending myself. It’s…okay it is SLIGHTLY defending myself, but it’s really a preemptive “read this” disclaimer for anyone who is reading this and wants to send me a message saying “hey creep!” It’s me acknowledging its creepy while also saying its non specific and harmless. It’s for me to redirect my answer to those people without having to write it out again. So, yeah, that’s that.

Okay, I better wrap this up if I plan on being able to get my next piece out.  So, thanks for reading and clicking if you made it this far. If you hate me, tell me. If you think I’m horrible, yell at me. If you want to read more, ask.

xoxo