I’ve done some odd things in the name of sexual frustration, things I wouldn’t necessarily do if I were readily satisfied sexually.  In my previous blog I made posts of odd things I’ve done (I hope to sort through the rubble that is my old blog’s wordpress files and find those posts to extract and post someday).  They were experimentation while in the throes of being in sexual frustration.  

They were:

• Tried to “freeze” my penis and testicles with ice cubes and other items from the freezer to see what it would feel like, and if it were possible, to get hard.  I also wanted to see how much I could make my penis shrivel up.
• Dressed in my wife’s clothes (now ex-wife, no that had nothing to do with it as she’s never found out) and paraded around the house in her clothes.  I’ve even taken pictures in her tights, leggings, bras, panties, dresses and tops.  
• Took a bath and jerked off into the full tub of water then laid in it in post orgasmic reverie.
• Desperately tried to piss my pants just to feel what the shame would feel like when I succeeded.  Funny thing about this one is that it’s a lot harder to piss your pants than one might think as your brain has mental checks and balances in place to stop it from happening.  Eventually I succeeded in dribbling a bit out in a pair of my wife’s panties while in the shower but I wanted a full on heavy stream.  Maybe I’ll get the urge another time and succeed.

Another thing I’ve done while in the need of sex, more recently but still while married (and fully being cuckolded) feels a bit more “creepy” than any of these.  Yes, dressing in my wife’s clothes is hovering around that level but calling someone who enjoys cross dressing a creep isn’t true.  If they weren’t my wife’s clothes it would be a lot less prevalent on the creep-o-meter.  Taking a bath and jerking off in the water just to sit in it isn’t creepy, just a little gross.  The frozen dick n balls thing is just fucking weird.  The only thing that comes close to being considered creepy is trying to piss my pants on purpose, and I consider that less creepy and more odd with a leaning towards fetish exploration, which we all know you shouldn’t fetish-shame people.

So, what is the thing that could be (and probably will be) considered creepy?  I took a pair of my wife’s panties from the dirty laundry bin and saved them for when I was alone.  I did this after she had gotten out of the shower and I can’t remember exactly when I ended up pulling them back out but when I did I unfurled them and pressed the long strip of fabric that was snug up between her legs all the previous day and pressed it firmly to my nose and inhaled deeply.

I’m getting a little twinge in my penis right now just typing that.  I don’t know why this turns me on but it does.  The other day, this weekend, I grabbed another pair of her panties from the bathroom laundry.  She had just gotten out of the shower and was in her room so I knew her panties would be at the top underneath a towel and maybe some clothes.  I pulled a few pieces of clothing to the side and set a towel on the rim of the basket and found her skimpy la senza panties rolled into a clump amongst the other dirty laundry.  At this point it was past noon so she had been wearing them all day and I had hoped to everything horny inside of me that she had slept in them too but I don’t know if she sleeps naked anymore so I can’t be sure about that.

I picked the panties up and straightened them out, and just as I did all those years ago the first time I found the long strip of fabric that would nestle itself against her pussy as snugly as I wished my face was a majority of the time and I took in a deep, long breath through my nose.  Unfortunately the only thing I could smell was a flowery perfume and I was deeply disappointed, but I wasn’t ready to let go yet and I slipped them into my pocket for later, for bedtime.  

It wasn’t just smelling her panties that I wanted to do, although it was the main purpose of having them.  I wanted to smell her panties to get the wafting scent of her pussy while I was stroking my penis.  The purpose of smelling my wife’s, my ex-wife’s panties was to ejaculate while the scent of her pussy was intoxicating my mind.  There was even a loose thread of thought going through me that I would train my mind to smell her pussy while I was jerking off and associate her cunt with my orgasms.  Pavlov’s pussy, as it were.  

That evening I undressed and got in bed and retrieved my ex-wife’s panties from under my pillow where I had stashed them.  I took another deep inhale of them and it still smelled strongly of perfume.  I wondered to myself if she had taken to spraying her pussy with scented body sprays.  It was an extremely disappointing thought if her scent was now being masked by some fake smelling spray that anyone could buy and use on themselves.

I went on with it though, the entire production repeated.  I pressed the panties to my face and began stroking myself, although it was awkward.  One hand was on my penis while the other had two fingertips pressing her thin fabric into each nostril hoping to catch a whiff of her, and I did but I remembered what was an even better way to enjoy it.  I wore the panties like a mask over my face.

The front of the panties went under my chin while the back of the panties went over the top of my head, letting the thin strip of fabric that would hold all of the glorious smells I’ve been eagerly trying to experience rest right against my nose.  As soon as the panties were in place over my face I took a deep breath and by some kind of miracle the perfume smell was gone and I could smell her pussy like it was right in front of me.  It was as if she was sitting over my face, her knees on either side of my head and her pussy dangling over me waiting to sit.  I pressed the fabric into my nostrils and inhaled and the smell stiffened my penis and I was stroking furiously.  

My moans were into her panties.  My pulling breaths through my nose.  I remembered her smell after all of these years.  I hadn’t smelled her pussy since a fever-dream of a night in 2021 or 2022 (I can’t exactly recall which, as those two years blend into each other).  I hadn’t really savored the smell of her pussy in more than 7 or 8 years.  When I would drop down between her legs and lick at her clit and finger her cunt I would smell the heavy scent of her and it seeped into my brain.  I would come up dripping her wetness from my chin and the smell of her pussy would be covering my face from my nose to my beard.  When I dragged the back of my hand across my face it came away soaking wet and running down my arm.  Her wet pussy would run down my forearm to my elbow as I fingered her.  It was magnificent.  It was so incredibly sexy.  Her pussy has soaked into the depths of my brain and hypnotized me.

I ejaculated fairly quickly.  There were grand plans while in the midst of arousal that I was going to sleep with her panties worn on my face and have her smell attached to me all night, hoping to dream of licking her cunt for 8 hours but it wasn’t going to happen.  As with most things thought during arousal they fell as soon as the ejaculate left my penis and I pulled the panties off of my face and dropped them to my side.  Eventually I tossed them on the floor of my room and eventually returned them to her laundry basket when I had a chance.  I rolled over in my bed and went to sleep almost instantly.

What I can’t get past is how much I remember the smell of her pussy and how it smells exactly the same as it did so many years ago.  The scent attached to her panties is a wonderfully pungent smell that seems to have soaked into the fabric of her panties.  I want to be there on a hot and humid July day after she has been out running or even just sunbathing in the heat.  I’ll slip into the bathroom after she’s done showering and I’ll grab her moist, sweat-dampened panties and slip them into my pocket, of course I’ll steal a quick whiff of them first.  Although I may have to restrain myself from masturbating right then and there if the smell is strong enough.  The only thing I can think of that would be better is if they were discarded in the bathroom post coitus mixed with her wetness from arousal and, possibly, a little bit of cum leaking into them from her new partner.

This is just another post about me obsessing over my ex wife.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I’m trying to condition myself into being her pathetic, cuckolded lapdog and I think its kind of funny how I’m making myself into what even I consider a creep.  I desperately want to fuck her again, but I wonder if I was able to would it be enough or would that be all I needed.  I think I’d actually prefer to be her pussy licking slave that pleasures her orally whenever she wanted, which was preferably every night and random times during the day.  Either way, I’m obsessing and its amusing and I hope anyone reading this finds it funny (and hot) as well.