I read a post today on Reddit that was asking, basically, if a man watches "rape & other abusive stuff" porn because he likes those kinks does it make him a horrible person. My initial reaction was to get defensive because on occasion I find myself drawn to "rape and other abusive stuff" porn, just recently I talked about my masturbation interests leaning more dominant and towards watersports because of the desperation angle. I've been on both sides of the rape play kink, wanting to have been both the one being raped and the one who was doing it.

I didn't comment or anything, mainly because I rarely comment as I've found on Reddit that if you have something to say chances are there are 10 other people who've already said it and why just repeat something that's already been said. Secondly, its TwoXChromosomes and while its not that I don't feel welcome to post I just don't like to throw my opinion out in a subreddit designed for women unless I truly feel what I have to say is valuable. Thirdly, saying "hey, I like rape porn and I'm not a bad guy," probably isn't what the author of the post was really looking for from a guy.

My second thought was, "hey, that's not fair because there are a lot of women who are into rape play as well. Putting that all on disturbed men isn't fair." I've known a few women personally that enjoyed some form of sexual encounters where they're taken in some way. Of course rough sex and rape are hardly the same thing but without any in depth conversations about it I can't really make any assumptions other than; I'm sure a lot of rough sex women do enjoy rape play but are too shy/embarrassed to admit it. That is to say that they enjoy rape PLAY in the sense that it is a consensual act between two parties that they are to engage in a mock rape encounter.

I read down further though and was quite surprised that there were a number of women who chimed in speaking contrary to the OP's leaned assertion that, while they want to believe most men are good the fact the videos had so many watches and likes leads them to believe that maybe they aren't. Women in the comments, not men, basically did a "not all men," "women like it too," and "you aren't what you eat." One of the women who works (worked?) in the porn industry made a wonderfully nuanced post going back and forth between both sides of the argument and settling to the point that an interest in something risque and taboo does not advocate for it in all forms.

There are a number of reasons these videos are popular and why someone may be interested in rape play while also not being a proponent of actual criminal rape of someone:

Fantasy Control-Seeker
Underlying driver: escapism through control
This is, I believe, where I lie. The idea of controlling the situation is appealing. I have a love-hate relationship with control because I want to control every tiny detail about something to make each experience perfect. That leads me, when I'm in a dominant mood, to lean towards controlling everything and wanting the woman to do exactly what I want, how I want and even sound the way I want for the most heightened arousal and orgasm.
There is also a component that reflects a real life lack of control in some aspect of their every day and it manifests into the fantasy appeal of having all of the control.

Emotional Distance / Detachment Type
Underlying driver: fear of intimacy, masked as dominance
Someone who fears intimacy or feels lacking and is concerned with rejection would think of rape play, consensual non consent as a work around to arousal. They would find that the attractive woman in the video would never want to be with them so the forced nature of the video lets them feel comfortable enough to be aroused by it.

Anger-Oriented or Resentful Type
Underlying driver: unresolved anger, ego injury, and entitlement
This is the one that most women would be afraid of and what they're thinking of when they think of the man who enjoys rape porn. This is the incels and the misogynists who view women as objects rather than people and would gladly remove the "consensual" part of the term. Unfortunately there are probably a whole lot of these men out there.

High-Intensity Fantasy Seeker
Underlying driver: dopamine exhaustion, overstimulation
The porn addict who needs a shock value and extreme intensity to feel something. This is another one that a woman would rightfully be nervous about as they're more likely not going to be able to respect boundaries than most people because they need that new and intense feeling feel good.

Role-Reversal Empath
Underlying driver: trauma, empathy confusion, curiosity about vulnerability
I have a little bit of this feeling as well where there is a hint of wanting the vulnerability aspect where you're being taken because you want to be taken but you're too nervous to just say it so you continue to protest. I really fall into this category when I'm feeling submissive because I want to be forced to do something past my usual limits.

Ethically Curious / Aware Kinkster
Underlying driver: fascination with power exchange under mutual trust
Seeks out the rape play porn with the aware knowledge that its consensual non consent and is aroused by the trust between the participants.

Unreflective Consumer
Underlying driver: passive consumption and desensitization
Porn consumer who is too lazy to find another video and basically mindlessly scrolling. This is another unfortunate area where desensitization has become so overwhelming that porn isn't enough to trigger something.

I've always been on the edge of the kink spectrum, okay maybe not the edge because that's giving myself way too much credit but definitely one of the wallflowers. My interests are wide but not endless. I like rape play in the consensual non consent realm and I'm confident on that because I'm not interested in the screaming and crying that would go along with anything too real, that would be a complete arousal killer for me. I also like anthropomorphic stuff, a lot of it focusing on hucow/human cow hybrids and lactation. I like cuckold porn, chastity/denial porn, gay porn, straight porn, foot fetish, panty sniffing and a ton that would be too long to post a full list and I'd probably leave a bunch off.

That is to say, I am all of those things and none of them. I enjoy all of them some of the time, some of them a lot of the time but not all of them all of the time. The fact that I like any of them doesn't mean that is what I am. Just because I like to suck cock on occasion doesn't mean I'm gay. Hell, just because I want a man to call me a faggot while I'm sucking his cock doesn't mean I'm gay. The same goes for me wanting to jerk off to rape play porn, it doesn't mean I have any interest in raping anyone. There are a lot of stories I have in my head, there's one I've posted on this blog that is definitely not a "safe space" story that I start off with a disclaimer. Just because I wrote it doesn't mean I'm an advocate of it. It's...something. We've all got these somethings and it's each of our choice whether we want to let other people with their own somethings into our life.
If someone who is into rape play isn't someone you want to associate yourself with? That's perfectly fine, nobody is telling you that you have to, the only thing that's being said is that you shouldn't say that person is bad, awful or likened to a rapist because we may be aroused by our kinks but that doesn't mean we are willing to participate in every iteration of them.